Free Yourself of Toxic People

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Everyone knows them, people who are not Healthy  to be around.  They suck the energy out of a room, they are negative, pessimistic, naysayers who are full of doom and gloom and never have a nice thing to say about anyone

They may be your friends, your family, people you work with or go to school with.  No one and no thing is ever good enough for them.  They are usually self-absorbed (though not always)

Sometimes we can just cut them off, physically, emotionally, remove all contact with them from your life.  But it’s not so easy to do if you have to live or work with them.

These people suck the life out of you, they are mentally exhausting to be around. Sometimes their behavior and speech is deliberate; to bring others down. Other times, they may not even know they are doing it, or have been doing it for so long it’s just become a habit

Psychologists tell us that ‘people treat you how you teach them to treat you’, sometimes this may well be true, and if that is the case, you can teach people how to treat you nicer.

  • Say no to invitations to be with them
  • Set clear, defined boundaries
  • Let them know their behavior is not acceptable
  • You won’t be spending any more time with them unless their behavior changes
  • It’s not negotiable

If you live with them, and you don’t feel a conversation would be productive:

  • Walk away and shut the door
  • Retreat to another room and physically distance yourself from them

If you do it often enough and they want to be around you, they will more than likely take a hint.  It takes a pretty ballsy person to walk through a closed-door without knocking first.  If they ask what is wrong, or start throwing a hissy fit, calmly say, that you are not going to be treated like this/ spoken to like that until they can speak nicely, they won’t be able to have the pleasure of your company

Swearing/cursing, yelling at them to F* off isn’t the answer, it just fuels their fire

You can’t control other people, you can control how you react to them

You can’t demand respect if you haven’t earned it

If you treat people the right way, they generally will reciprocate

  • Don’t get sucked into their drama
  • Pull them into your peace

You don’t have to be friends with these people

If they stress you out knowing they will be home soon, or when you meet up with them, or every time you have been with them you have a headache, know that they are also causing stress on your body which can cause illness, stress, inflammation, stiff joints because your cortisol levels are rising (the stress hormone) every time you at around them

For your own Health & sanity, eliminate spending time with them

If you don’t live with them, the solution is simple, don’t give them the time of day, reserve your energy for those who deserve your company, it’s ok to say NO I can’t meet you for lunch, I don’t want to go out, I have other plans…your ‘other plan’ is to have peace and quiet, you don’t have to lie or hurt their feelings, be tactful

So what drives these people? INSECURITY

They are insecure, unhappy people who only feel good about themselves when they are puting others down.  They don’t mind if you fail, they don’t encourage you to be your best.  They are quick to point out all your flaws and make you feel ‘less than’

You need to stop giving them a room to rent in your mind, your heart, your life, raise the rent & serve them a metaphorical  eviction notice, you are kicking them out.

When you start hanging around positive people who are happy for you, who lift you up and only want the very best for you, you will become a much more positive, confident, happier person yourself

If they are people you work with, be cordial, polite but don’t let them rope you into conversations you don’t feel good about

They aren’t going to change, but remember, you can change your reaction to them

If they put you down or say hurtful things, ask them not to

Change the subject to something positive

If you have to,  excuse yourself and go to the restroom, go get a drink of water, don’t engage them or spend any more time or conversation with them than is absolutely necessary to do your job

If they are your supervisor or boss, you always have an Allie in Human Resources

 

 

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